WUNDERKID, WUNDERSIGHTING? YOU BE THE JUDGE!by Lena Goldfinch
NASHOBA, MA, April 1, 2013 The town of Nashoba, MA, 25 miles northwest of Boston, is home to a most unusual story. The town itself exists outside the map, between Littleton and Westford, MA. Some would say no town exists between Littleton and Westford, but residents of Nashoba would disagree. One resident, Miss Hanson Stokes ("Nanny Hanny", 114 yrs old), called the paper and reported that a local Nashoba boy (name withheld) had seen a unicorn in the woods early this morning as he was walking to school. The creature was reportedly lying in the hollow of a tree and stared back at the boy for several seconds. He told neighbors later that it looked like a miniature white pony, "with one long, twisty horn." The unicorn stood, he said, released a cold cloud of breath that "gave him a chill," and then it fled into the surrounding brush, breaking off the tip of its long, twisty horn in the process.
The boy ran to the spot, grabbed up the relic, and pricked his pinkie finger. He knelt in the depression where the unicorn had been resting and claims the soil was still warm. He then ran home to tell his mother. Most amazingly, several neighbors have reported that the boy is now able to cure illnesses with the touch of his little finger. Nanny Hanny herself reports that she no longer has trouble with her rheumatoid arthritis and plans to hike the Presidential Mountains this summer. She also tells us the mother and her remarkable son have relocated to parts unknown, possibly Canada, naturally fearful of scientists detaining the boy indefinitely to run tests on him.
When this reporter arrived at the scene that afternoon, I was able to take this one photo of the tree. Upon returning to the GPS coordinates, however, I was unable to locate any of the following: the town of Nashoba, the gregarious (and oddly spry) Hanson Stokes, or the hollow tree. There have been no reported unicorn sightings in the area since this morning, but this reporter remains optimistic.
(Original tree photo: Flickr Creative Commons, Howard Dickins)
Mystery of Bermuda Triangle Solved!
By Erin Cashman 4/1/13
Mermaids and mermen were discovered living in an underwater city that had both air and water, located in the center of the Bermuda triangle deep beneath the earth’s crust. These vicious merpeople used their powerful high-pitched voices to disrupt radar and sonar, enabling them to bring planes and boats crashing into the sea. The merpeople's multiple tales are dotted with large suction cup like discs, making it possible for them to drag the wreckage into their lair. Any survivors were enslaved, never to be seen again.
A Home for a Gnome - by Fhar E. Ring
Many of you may have heard te news last week, a tiny door appeared at the bottom of a tree in Golden gate Park, San Francisco. People have been leaving notes, cards and presents in the tree yet so far no one has claimed responsibility for it.
Photo from Erica Reh/Richmondsfblog.com published in The New York Daily News
Three days later and the tiny dwelling is still crammed full of letters. Lines of tourists wait to see it for themselves, ponder on the mystery and argue if elves are too big to live there.
In further news, several reports of faerie rings and small door sightings have been reported from the Muir Woods area, north of San Francisco.
As one ranger put it "if you can fly up to the top of those trees to build your house privacy will not be a problem."
Meanwhile the letters are still piling up at the 'Gnome House' in Golden Gate Park and the visitors keep coming even though it looks like the 'gnome' has relocated. As Harry Pinklit, park ranger says, "We all crave a little fantasy in our lives."
Nation Mourns Heroic Fish
by Katherine Catmull
The nation today mourns the death of “Uncle Sam,” the remarkable Atlantic Salmon who five years ago startled a chef at the Senate Dining Room in Washington, D.C. by offering to grant the United States of America “a single wish—any wish at all!” in exchange for his life. Since that day five years ago, Congress has been deadlocked over precisely what wish to request. Uncle Sam’s last words were reportedly “any wish, seriously. Mountain of gold, perfect health for all . . . Just, really, just pick a wish . . .” A veterinarian in attendance reports that Uncle Sam died of old age.
Photo credited to nrtphotos
Underground Caverns found in Backyard of Texas Home
By P.J. Hoover
An eleven-year-old boy discovered a maze of underground caverns in his backyard Easter morning. Experts say the caverns are endless. "They may lead to the underworld," Dr. Morrison, a professor at a local college, reported. "We've never seen anything like it."
"I was looking for my pet tortoise, King Tort, when I found the cave," Zachary Hoover says. "And it's kind of funny because just before I discovered the entrance, I thought to myself, 'What if I discovered a cavern that led to the center of the earth?'"
Hoover plans to charge admission and give tours of the cave. "And my friends better not expect a discount," Hoover says. "With enough tours, this will pay for my college education."
Though only eleven, Hoover states that he either wants to study geology or psychic abilities in college.
Magic Portal Opens in Detroit!
By Lisa Green
People are flocking to the Midwest to investigate reports of a magic portal opening on the streets of Detroit. Reportedly the portal opened this morning at 5 AM EST with a bright burst of fire and brimstone, which drew no attention whatsoever as citizens are used to this sort of thing. When a five-story, two-building-wide monster with glowing red eyes and devil’s horns burst through, some citizens did take notice. The creature, which proclaimed itself to be the new lord of all humans was immediately fired upon by rival gang members. Our new overlord retreated into the portal, which has remained dormant since. One witness reported hearing him mutter about insane humans on his way out. Citizens of Detroit remain on alert, but most are happy about the incident. Clara Honeybee, long time resident, stated, “’Bout time something brought those youngsters together. All hail whatever the hell that thing was.”
Art Devil Jin from ©2009-2013 ~TornAroundtheEdges
And that's the Enchanted Inkpot news for Monday April 1st. Be sure to check back for updates and please send us any fantasy news from your neck of the woods - just watch out for those high flying faeries!