Shameless Oopsie!!!

I think I totally forgot to post last week.  My brain is...old.  :)

Portlandians and Horror fans! Our very own Nancy Holder will be one of the Guests of Honor at the 2014 World Horror Convention in Portland, Oregon, May 8-11.  Make your travel arrangements now!

Dawn Metcalf's INDELIBLE is available for pre-order.  You should probably just order it now. You know you want to.

We have some fabulous award and reading list news this week, starting with Leah Cypess, whose short story "Nanny's Day" (Asimov's 3/12) was nominated for a Nebula Award.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT?

Not to be outdone, THE FALSE PRINCE by Jennifer A. Nielsen has made yet another awards list, this time earning the 2012 Cybil Award for Science Fiction and Fantasy!

Speaking of short lists, Kate Milford's THE BROKEN LANDS is on the Locus Recommended Reading List in company that makes me want to pass out cold. Way to go, Kate!!

In foreign rights news, P. J. Hoover's The Forgotten Worlds trilogy has sold in Hungary!!! THE EMERALD TABLET, THE NAVEL OF THE WORLD, and THE NECROPOLIS, sold to Fonix by Lex Copyright Office, on behalf of Taryn Fagerness Agency and Laura Rennert of the Andrea Brown Literary Agency.

Oh yeah.  I had a cover reveal.  HA! TOTALLY FORGOT THAT ONE!!!!  Here's the cover for 3:59, my sci fi parallel universe dopperganger horror novel due out September 17th from Balzer + Bray.  :)

Two & Twenty Dark Tales: An Interview with Georgia McBride

Two and Twenty Dark Tales is a YA anthology of Mother Goose retellings edited by Georgia McBride and Michelle Zink, and published by McBride's own Month9Books. Some of the stories read like secret histories, as though the familiar nursery rhymes are eroded fragments of something much older and darker. Some play with the actual history of the rhyme; Nancy Holder's "The Lion and the Unicorn" offers new and sinister explanations for the witchy obsessions of King James. Other stories shift the rhymes into contemporary settings and entirely new layers of meaning; Gretchen McNeil's "Tick, Tock" has cell phones, pop culture references, and imperiled babysitters.

The Inkpot: Last year the critic Meghan Cox Gurdon complained of "Darkness Too Visible" in the Wall Street Journal. Notable responses to that pearl-clutching editorial include Maureen Johnson's in The Guardian and Sherman Alexie's in the WSJ. Can you recap for us how Two and Twenty Dark Tales came out of that controversy?

Georgia McBride: I have always thought fairy tales and lullabies were dark, especially Mother Goose Rhymes. When I was asked to respond to the article, I talked about how dark Disney stories are, and yet, parents don't seem to mind dark cartoons or fairy tales so long as there is a happy ending. I listed themes like death, servitude, blackmail, starvation, imprisonment, abduction, poisoning, murder and more in these stories. I began to think then that we had it all wrong, that YA hasn't become dark. That lullabies sung sweetly can soothe and relax us, but just beneath many of them is a hint of something... dark. We grow up with these stories as the foundation for our imagination. YA literature is the natural extension of this dark foundation. And that is how my idea to do dark retellings of Mother Goose rhymes came about.

Define darkness. What is a "dark retelling"?

GM: I asked my writers to take the rhymes they were most fond of and imagine the darkest motivations behind them. Why is Wee Willie Winkie running through the town in his pajamas in the middle of the night? Why would Humpty Dumpty, so frail a being, climb so high atop a wall? And why would Jill push Jack down the hill? We all know that is what REALLY happened.

Talk about the importance of unhappy endings. 

GM: Painting happy endings to tragic and worrisome stories does not always allow for the reader to calm the unsettling feeling of some stories--because the reader knows it isn't authentic. Some stories are supposed to end badly. Some stories are supposed to be told at night, with all the lights on, or around the campfire. Some stories are meant to be dark.

The protagonist in Leah Cypess' "Clockwork" learns courage from years of living as a mouse, and she faces down a predatory witch because she's used to that kind of fear by now. She draws power from her mousey powerlessness. What other sorts of power are explored in these tales? What sorts of power do you want your readers to notice and take away with them? 

GM: That is one of my favorite stories from the anthology. It sends a powerful message indeed. There are themes of powerlessness throughout the anthology, but it is that feeling that often forces the characters to act. Sometimes the acts are heroic and courageous and, at other times, in the case of Humpty Dumpty, readers will be left in tears. Other important themes in the anthology are love, loss, fear, and, of course, magic! Wouldn't we all love to have a bit of magic?

What's your own earliest memory of Mother Goose rhymes? Which rhymes have continued to haunt you into adulthood and parenthood?

GM: My parents always sang Mother Goose Rhymes to us like “Ring Around the Roses,” and read rhymes such as Jack and Jill and Humpty Dumpty. I continue to be haunted by questions surrounding Jack and Jill's possible sibling rivalry and the troublesome Humpty Dumpty. It sparked me to tell Humpty's story in poem format in the anthology. Every time I think about poor Humpty, it brings me to tears.

This unique collaboration’s proceeds (from the first 5,000 copies sold) will be donated to YALitChat.org, an organization that fosters the advancement, reading, writing and acceptance of young adult literature worldwide.  

DARK and STORMY First Lines!

Okay, who doesn't love a great first line? First lines can set the tone for entire stories. They can convey raw emotions. They can be the inspiration for entire novels. P. J. (Tricia) Hoover here, and I am totally guilty of having an entire novel of mine inspired by a first line. The funniest part? That line didn't even survive revisions! But the novel remains (SOLSTICE, Tor Teen, June 2013), so all is good.

Anyway, here at The Enchanted Inkpot, we thought it would be fun to collect up a bunch of first lines for our works-in-progress (WIPs). Some first drafts. Some final. All amazing! So here they are for your reading pleasure.

***

BEST FIRST LINES EVER

Lots of people in New York go to church on Sunday. Even more than that sleep in. Mike and I meet for pizza.
“My treat,” I say.
Mike slaps down a twenty before I can get my wallet out. “Next time, Logan.”
I scowl but don’t argue because Mike always pays. I used to put up more of a fight; it never works. And since I don’t have a job and my aunt has a strict no-allowance rule, I’m penniless lots of the time. Truly, I need to find a job. Having no money sucks. -- P. J. Hoover, title TBD


Death stalked the spider, pre-algebra book in hand. --Ellen Booraem


Lydia Cohen gazed at her fingers, the bare swath of nail revealed by the chipped black polish reminding her vaguely of the Horn of Africa. -- Lisa Amowitz, EXCEPTIONAL

There's a right way to do things and a wrong way, if you're going to run a hotel in a smugglers' town. -- Kate Milford, GREENGLASS HOUSE

Surely it was the persistent Yorkshire wind that made the legions of gravestones all lean towards the parsonage, but ever since Anne was a child she'd had the notion that the stones were straining towards her home, their progress glacial, yet inevitable, their one aim to break through the low stone wall that held them back, to invade the little patch of green that separated the parsonage from the graveyard, and envelope them all. -- Lena Coakley, THE WORLDS BELOW

The girl with no name stood on the stone steps looking up at the building in front of her. -- Miriam Forster, prequel to CITY OF A THOUSAND DOLLS


Josie's ancient Tercel shuddered in protest as she stepped on the accelerator.
"Come on." She leaned forward in her seat, willing the old car to go faster. "If I'm late again Mr. Reed is totally going to fire my ass."
As if in answer, the Tercel lurched forward. The car, a hand-me-down from her cousin, was older than she was, and the engine screeched in protest as she held the pedal to the floor. The speedometer flickered, desperately grasping for 45MPH. For a fleeting moment, Josie thought the Teal Monster, as her friends had dubbed her car, might actually have some kick left in her.
Yeah, not so much. The engine sputtered, momentum slowed, and Josie had to downshift to third gear.
"I hate you," she said, slapping the steering wheel with the palm of her hand. "Just so you know." -- Gretchen McNeil, 3:59


The music beat hard against Joy’s ribs. -- Dawn Metcalf, INDELIBLE (Harlequin Teen, July 2013)

Joy grabbed the first ceramic platter piled high with Cobb salad and ran a moist towel around the rim, making it neat. -- Dawn Metcalf, sequel to INDELIBLE, 2014


I was twelve the day the king ordered Nowan flogged to his death.
It was not the first time he had been beaten, for he was my whipping boy. But, unlike on previous occasions when he had been punished for my mistakes, I was unaware of having done anything wrong, and couldn’t understand my father’s sudden rage. -- Carmen Ferreiro-Esteban, THE REVENGE OF THE WOLF KING

It hung there, suspended between two trees, a giant bolt of cloud. A promise. I am not a cloud. I am a flying saucer. I can take you away. Just stretch out your hands and leap. Tempting. -- Keely Parrack


The mirror shattered into a thousand tiny fragments. -- Leah Cypess, sequel to DEATHSWORN


By the time Jonah broke into the dungeon, the sorcerer was dead. -- Cinda Williams Chima, THE ENCHANTED HEIR

Queen Calendrea stood high on a hill at the edge of a clearing, shrouded in shadow, a wolf her sole companion. The old woman’s brilliant green eyes pierced the darkness, scanning the field. She tentatively stepped forward, the hem of her cape billowing out behind her in the bitter wind. Satisfied, she quickened her pace, as the thick clouds that wrapped around the sky parted directly above her, allowing the moon to shine down brightly. She stopped at the edge of the precipice and stared down at the village hamlet below, only a few lights twinkled against the night sky. -- Erin Cashman, LEGEND OF THE FOUR


The alarm sounded at 3:35 in the morning. The lights flashed blindingly bright, illuminating the frightened faces of my capsule mates Specimen Iota and Specimen Theta. I wasn’t frightened, though. That was an emotion I hadn’t been programmed with yet. -- Sybil Nelson, DARK MARCO
 

Arms pumping, Thackery sprinted for the chainsaw and swept it up from where it lay on top of a fresh grave. -- Caroline Hooton


Riev crouched in the wagon's shadow, watching and listening. -- Hilari Bell, THE FIXER


The last day of Kaile's life did not start well. -- William Alexander, GHOULISH SONG

The Envoy tossed itself at the world. -- William Alexander, WIP

May your first lines be fun, crisp, and free of cliches, back story, and characters looking in the mirror. And may you nights be ever dark and stormy!

Thanks for reading! 

TOTW: Shades of Genius

As readers, many of us can point to the book or story that cemented us in the would-rather-read-than-eat category of humans (mine was my older brother's copy of Trixie Belden's Mystery at Mead's Mountain when I was five or six). As writers, I wondered if we had that same type of experience, where we scribble a few sentences and think That's it. This is what I'm going to do with my life. I rule.

Turns out, pretty much yeah.

Lena Coakley

When I was in junior high school I wrote a very earnest, very looooong play called Phaeton's Chariot of the Sun. It was about an ancient but advanced civilization on the island of Atlantis. When the island gets destroyed in a nuclear power accident, only a scholar and his daughter are left to rail about the dangers of nuclear power as they sail away from the sinking island in their little boat.

Ouch! Just writing the synopsis makes me wince-but at the time I thought it was utterly brilliant. I think it was the first time I wrote something that gave me that thrill of accomplishment all of us writers are addicted to.

Keely Parrack

The first time people told me I could write, at school, I guess I was about 13/14 and we used to have to write stories from prompts - actually I think it was part of the English exams. I wrote one about a ghost looking out at the sea from a window and remembering her youth, another about the end of the world when a guy woke in an alley way to discover he was the last person left in the world, and another on an old bed ridden man living out the remains of his days in a haunted bedroom.

Guess I was a fun child LOL - too bad it took me several decades to try again!

Ellen Booraem

The first story I remember writing was, I think, when I was seven. It was a day in the life of a Mexican cat. (I lived in Massachusetts, mind you, and had never been south of Maryland. I did have a cat, so I had that going for me.) As I recall, there was an evil dog involved. Also tortillas.

Anne Nesbet

I wrote a lot of stories when I was little, most of them gloomy or ridiculous or both gloomy AND ridiculous, but my first actual real novel was called "Liz in Artland," written when I was 11, and it totally took over my brain for some months. I had the whole story all worked out: Liz was going to be sucked into a museum catalog and find herself in a world where paintings by Paul Klee and Marc Chagall and Vassily Kandinsky had all come to life! and where monsters in Surrea, the dreadfully scary land of the Surrealists, were about to destroy the Castle of the Mind! which would mean the end of all painting and drawing everywhere unless Liz could SAVE THE DAY!! Which she was totally going to do in a really dramatic scene involving filing cabinets! You know what? Just thinking about "Liz in Artland" still makes me happy.

In real life, what happened was I wrote the first thirty-five pages and then the story got worn in a rain boot, which was completely my own fault in a very complicated way, and some of it was destroyed, and that was the end of "Liz in Artland."

Lia Keyes

I got busted for autographing the flyleaf of my parents' books before I actually knew how to read and write.

Later I got busted for writing stories on the paper lining my parents' chests of drawers, the inside of cupboards, and other such things.

I bought an old typewriter with my pocket money at an antique fair when I was eleven and started writing a novel. Only no one ever told me to write what you know. I wrote a cowboy story about taming a wild horse. I was a London schoolgirl. What did I know about such things? But there was a cute boy in it. I knew about cute boys.

Jacqueline West

For the final unit of my sixth grade year, my language arts class was given blank hardcover books (oh, the delicious blankness!!!) to fill with our own fiction. I was deliriously excited about this, having not known that such a beautiful thing as blank hardcover books existed in the world, and I proceeded to write a giant, ridiculous fantasy tale involving a rebellious princess, an evil enchantress, a golden eagle and a crystal orb, etc., etc. My handwritten story was much too long to fit in the blank hardcover book, so I had to type it (on a typewriter, as these were pre-home-computer days; lots of Wite-Out was involved). Even typed and single-spaced, it was still too long to fit in the precious book, so I had to glue in extra pages to accommodate the words and illustrations--but at long last, my work was finished.

During the final week of school, the sixth graders all brought in our books and read one another's work, which was thrilling and terrifying. And then, on the very last day, when I went to the language arts classroom to bring my work home, I discovered that my book had disappeared. The teacher and I looked everywhere, but it was gone. Someone else had taken it. Of course, I was disappointed that something I'd worked so hard on had vanished...but even at the time, I remember thinking that it was pretty cool that one of my classmates had liked my (terrible) book enough to want to keep it for him- or herself.

Dawn Metcalf

The first full-length novel I wrote was called "The Eye of the Ancients"--it was 365 pages long and probably had an equal number of various characters and subplots. It was a rambling, cliched, mess of a first-draft quest story starring a female heroine, Galena, and I was incredibly proud of it. It was printed on enormous feed paper on a Commodore 64. I was 11 years old. I still have a copy to this day.

Lisa Gail Green

My first story was about a talking giraffe. I was seven, and my mother, the librarian, bless her, thought it was a masterpiece. Honestly though, it was her encouragement, legitimate or not (ahem) that gave me the confidence to go for it so many years later. :D I suspect she still has it. Let's hope it never mysteriously surfaces anywhere!

Leah Cypess

The first story I wrote, in first grade, was told from the point of view of an ice-cream cone being eaten. And my parents still DO have a copy of that one.

The first full book I wrote, in third grade, was about a girl who got trapped on a desert island with her faithful and loyal collie dog. It was basically a mash-up of The Black Stallion and Lassie. Only, a lot less sophisticated than that sounds. I hadn't quite mastered breaking text into paragraphs yet, so I figured I would have to hire someone to do that for me before I got it published.

Can you see the genius fairly sticking out of all these early masterpieces? For my own part, my first story was about a Very Friendly Monster who had to take over the class when the teacher ran away screaming at the sight of him. She had very little imagination (unlike me, obviously).

What about you all? Do you have special first stories that clearly marked the path you were to take? Please share!

A New Deal of Shamelessness!

We only have two Inkies with shameless news this week, but boy are they doosies!

Starting out with Leah Cypess, she has sold a short story to Sword & Sorceress, and it will be published in the next edition of the anthology (Sword & Sorceress 27.) The story is called Straw-Spun and it's a "sequel" to Rumpelstiltskin, which, I'd like to point out for the record, is one of the creepiest of the Grimm's Fairy Tales. Can't wait!

Meanwhile, Kate Milford has sold not one, but TWO new books!

Author of THE BONESHAKER and THE BROKEN LANDS Kate Milford's LEFT-HANDED FATE, a nautical fantasy set in 1813 in which three kids from both sides of the conflict join forces to find the pieces of a legendary device they believe will stop the wars in the Atlantic, to Noa Wheeler at Holt Children's, for publication in Fall 2014, by Ann Behar at Scovil Galen Ghosh Literary Agency (World English).

Author of THE BONESHAKER and THE BROKEN LANDS Kate Milford's GREENGLASS HOUSE, about a boy who discovers that each of the strange guests snowed in over the winter holidays at his parents' remote inn believes there is a secret hidden somewhere in the house, and he and the cook's daughter, a role-playing gamer, make up a campaign to find the inn's secret before anyone else, to Lynne Polvino at Clarion, for publication in Spring 2014, by Ann Behar at Scovil Galen Ghosh Literary Agency (World).

How insanely awesome is that? And to top it off, her Kickstarter campaign for The Kairos Mechanism is at 102% so the project is a go!  There are two weeks left for fundraising. At $7500, the paychecks for the young artists who are illustrating the special edition will be increased; at $9500 Kate can announce the second volume in the series (for 2013); and at $13500 she'll have raised enough to commit to doing a reader-illustrated edition for that second novella. So anyone who hasn't become a backer that wants to should hurry over!

Interview with Alethea Kontis, author of ENCHANTED

I’m thrilled to welcome to the Inkpot Alethea Kontis, author of Enchanted, which apparently is the monster of all fairy tale retellings. I mean, why retell just one when you can retell them all, right? Read on and find out….

Enchanted isn't a retelling of any particular fairy tale -- rather, it's a mosaic of many of them. Was there any particular fairy tale that got you started? Or did you intend from the beginning to borrow from as many fairy tales as possible?

The original story that Enchanted is based on was an entry in a fairy tale contest the Codex Writers had in the summer of 2005. The stories had to be inspired by at least one of four "seeds": "Fundevogel," "The Princess and the Pea," the Irish legend of Cú Chulainn, and the nursery rhyme "There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe." I couldn't choose between them, so I chose them all...as well as all every other fairy tale and nursery rhyme that was suggested. They just all fit together so well, you see...

I hate the "where did you get the idea" question as much as anyone. And yet: Where did you get the awesome idea for seven sisters named after seven days of the week?

That particular tidbit came from the "Monday's Child is Fair of Face" nursery rhyme. As a Sabbath Day child myself, I've always been slightly disappointed in my generically optimistic lot in life as prophesied by that poem, so I instantly had a great deal of empathy for Sunday. The reason anyone would have so many children in the first place would surely be the goal of a "seventh child of a seventh child" legend, and this dovetailed perfectly into the old rhyme of counting magpies ("One for sorrow, two for joy"). Sevens and threes are very powerful numbers in fairy tales.

I happen to know (looks mysterious) that the original title of the book was Sunday, the name of the main character. And having gone through title changes myself, I know there were probably a bunch of titles you considered before you hit on Enchanted. Care to share any of them?

Yes, the original title of the novel was Sunday, which was the name of the novelette of this tale as it appeared in Realms of Fantasy in 2006. The publisher was afraid that this title would not immediately convey a fairy tale sensibility, so they suggested something "more like...Enchanted." I had about two days to come up with new title ideas, which included: Blithe, Fanciful, Dreamer, Glister, and Perchance. But by then, Enchanted had already settled in everyone's brains, and there you have it!

You are also the author of the bestselling picture book, Alpha Oops: The Day Z Went First (side note: my kids LOVE that book). Obviously the writing process is different, but how similar or different the process of getting a picture book published vs. getting a young adult novel published?

*hugs* I love you and your kids! Thank you! Oh, yes, I learned an incredible lot during the production of the first AlphaOops, not the least of which was that writing a picture book was far more like writing a script than a short story or novel. There is so much one doesn't need to say in prose when given illustrations, and there needs to be room left for the illustrator/collaborator to step in and shine on his/her own. Almost like in acting, where the words in the script are a guideline by which the actor bases his or her motivation and fills in the blank with talent, imagination, and personality. Thankfully, I've had some little experience acting on stage and television, so when I sat down to write AlphaOops: H is for Halloween, I wrote it as a script rather than in story format. I think the editing process for that book went a lot more smoothly.

All that said, the award for strangest format in which I've ever written a story goes to "Diary of a Mad Scientist Garden Gnome," a month-long twitter serial illustrated by Eisner Award winner J.K. Lee. Because of the 140 character limit on each daily mini-story, it was easier to construct the project on an Excel spreadsheet so that I could see the stories one on top of the other and keep track of the characters all at the same time. It was an odd endeavor, but the unorthodox approach ultimately worked out to everyone's advantage. My advice to writers: Always keep an open mind. We live in an ever-changing world, and you'll never know what hoop you might be asked to jump through next!

So true! As long as they’re all fun hoops, right?

You can read more about Enchanted at http://aletheakontis.com/about/enchanted/. You can also go out and get it if you want – it went on sale yesterday!

Faux Fantasy! (For all our April Fools)

Ah, April. Such a wonderful month, time for spring flowers...and tricks, pranks, and jokes of all kinds. In honor of April Fool's day, I urged the intrepid authors of The Enchanted Inkpot to tickle our funny bones. And I have to tell you, they're a pretty funny bunch. I'm still smiling. :)

Check out these (faux, tongue-firmly-in-cheek) fantasy books, coming soon to a bookstore near you!! Or maybe not. Perhaps they'll appear in another realm entirely, one full of magical, lightning-fast printing presses and wizardly editorial types with ink-stained fingertips. Whatever. I'm sure these are all destined to become instant classics.

"A story about a girl wizard who infiltrates a school for vampires, only to find out that only one student gets to graduate alive. It's a combination of Harry Potter, Twilight, and the Hunger Games! Plus, if there is any new huge success between now and this book's publication, I'll figure out a way to work that in too."
Leah Cypess

“Plucky youngsters create small golems out of belly button lint. They wear fuzzy sweaters all the time to generate enough lint, and develop powers of static electricity as a result. But their powers are tested when an army of bullying booger-golems attacks the school. Buffy meets Captain Underpants!”
William Alexander

"CSI meets Pretty Little Liars meets Disney when Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel and Cinderella go on a girls’ weekend and one of them is murdered. Luckily, our protagonist, a mind reading detective is also staying at the resort, and she must solve the crime, before she's next!"
Erin Cashman

"Mary Sue discovers she is the Chosen One and must attend the Chosen One Academy with five thousand other Chosen Ones. When she and she alone discovers that all the Chosen Ones must battle to the death to really become the actual super-chosen Chosen One, she meets her one true love and together they embark on a fascinating journey of the heart."
Nancy Holder

“A troupe of princesses are on their way to a ball when a portal opens beneath the carriages and drags the hapless damsels into a post-apocalyptic world where their Prince Charmings never had their Happy Endings and all the kingdoms fell under a corporate merger. Now the princesses have been sorted into districts run by KingdomCorp and find themselves the unlucky contestants in a beauty pageant to the death; the winner will have massive merchandising rights on all the products in the pink-colored toy aisles and the chance to choose her own Prince Charming on the reality TV show, 'Princess Bridal.' Who will win the ultimate challenge or will the princesses overthrow KingdomCorp to change their pasts and their world's future?”
Dawn Metcalf

“Sam Alex Price has always felt out of place in her high school, where everyone is conventionally attractive and mostly just downloads songs you hear all the time on the radio anyway. Sam Alex, on the other hand, has to suffer from an acutely cool musical sense (punk rock + Flamenco), while her radiant emerald eyes, fiery hair, and gorgeous birthmarks in the shape of Celtic dragon-rune tattoos for some reason make her the last girl anyone would ever take to the prom. And why does her nervous mother always insist on keeping a juniper branch (sprinkled with Holy Water) above the front door? All is explained when the most gorgeous dark-eyed dude shows up in pre-calc: Blade is a demon-angel-vampire hybrid, who just needs to assassinate Sam to get the equivalent, in demon-angel-vampire circles, of his GED. Sam's secret identity as a Nephilim-Seelie-warriorgirl-with-slight-phoenix-tendencies is betrayed when a swarm of demons kidnaps Sam's mother (see?! She was RIGHT to be nervous!), leaving a portal open to the magic library where Sam's mother's all-revealing diary has been mis-shelved all these years. Fortunately, Sam, due to her Flamenco training, turns out to have serious battle skills and to be very good with a dagger. Blade is impressed. The assassination is delayed. Kissing is involved.”
Anne Nesbet

"An orphanage, overcrowded with kids destined by prophecy to perform heroic deeds, becomes the headquarters of a fierce resistance. The orphan's mission - to rid the world of fantasy novels that kill off parents and bind kids to futures full of scary things and near-death experiences. Will their dastardly plot to kill of all fantasy writers succeed, or are they doomed to fail, to live out their own preordained destinies? And just how do they plan to squelch all that uncomfortable inner angst and romance brewing under the surface? One orphan holds the key, but that orphan, Goober Tickletrunk, lowliest of them all and guardian of the keyring, won't reveal its location!"
Pippa Bayliss

"Kafka meets Celebrity Apprentice when young Sam's mother breaks it to him that his father was a cockroach. Threatened by nuclear extinction, humanity must learn survival skills from the roaches. Sam undertakes a perilous journey through the silverware drawer to find Trump, a wise old cockroach who runs a school for half-roaches and holds the key to his species' longevity. Hair gel becomes a factor. And antennae. Also (apologies to Anne) kissing."
Ellen Booraem

Too funny!! Thanks, everyone!

If you have a faux fantasy pitch, please feel free to share it in the comments section. :-)

Lena Goldfinch is the author of The Language of Souls, a short-but-sweet tale that will "appeal to teens who enjoy fantasy with a side of sigh-worthy romance". She lives in New England with her husband (born on April Fool's Day--happy birthday, hon!!), two teens, and a very spoiled black lab. You can visit her online at www.lenagoldfinch.com.

New Deal Shamelessness!

Starting out with big news from Leah Cypess! Per Publisher Marketplace:

Leah Cypess's DEATHSWORN, a fantasy about a young sorceress with mysteriously fading powers who has been sent to tutor a sect of assassins in their underground stronghold; but while trying to solve the murders of the tutors who preceded her, she will discover a terrible secret about the assassins' true goals, one that will challenge her deepest beliefs and force her to make a choice that could overthrow an empire, to Martha Mihalick at Greenwillow, for publication in Fall 2013, plus a sequel, by Bill Contardi at Brandt & Hochman (NA).

WOO HOO LEAH!!!!!!!  This one sounds just as amazing as the MISTWOOD saga, too!

William Alexander has racked up yet another fantastic review for GOBLIN SECRETS, this time over at Fantasy Matters, which says:

There are books that make you feel good for having read them. Not virtuous or well-behaved, but good. More whole-hearted, more brave, more likely to look at a stranger and see the fine face beneath the mask of their unfamiliarity. Goblin Secrets, William Alexander’s debut novel, is just such a book.

Could a review be any better? I think not!

If you're in the Southern California area, I'll be doing an appearance at WonderCon tomorrow, March 18th.  I'll be signing at the Mysterious Galaxy Booth at 11am alongside Andrea Cremer, and I'll be on the YA panel at 3pm with some amazing authors.  Here's the line up:

3:00-4:00 Shivers, Shakes, and Swoon: the Young Adult Books We Can't Put Down — Come along for a Q&A session and chat about the hottest new titles in YA fiction. Moderated by Andrea Cremer (The Nightshade Series) and featuring Ann Aguirre (Enclave), Kami Garcia (co-author of the Beautiful Creatures novels), Gretchen McNeil (Possess), Lissa Price (Starters), Ransom Riggs (Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), and Veronica Rossi (Under the Never Sky). Room 207

*dances*

And lastly, the audio version of Erin Cashman's THE EXCEPTIONALS is now available to order!

That's it for this week.  Big round of applause for everyone's fantastic news!!!!

First Line Mix & Match - with prizes!

Update: We have a winner - the prize goes to SilentPages! But everyone else should totally play just for fun.

Below are five first lines, and five books. Can you match each first line with the book it belongs to? The first person to match them all correctly will get a signed copy of the book of their choice!

(And we're on the honor system - no looking them up! You can do it from memory or try to figure it out. Some of these are easy ones... next time, we might make it a bit more challenging...)

Ready... set...

THE FIRST LINES:

1. "Consuela wrestled with an armload of jeans, trying to catch the hangers on insufficient hooks."

2. "She knew every inch of the forest, every narrow path that twisted and wound its way beneath the silver branches."

3. "I awoke tied to a chair.”

4. "The eunuchs said the windows were ceiling height to allow the concubines their privacy, but Jin Lian knew it was also a way to keep them trapped."

5. "Last June, my parents jumped off a roof because of a pinky ring."

THE BOOKS:

Go!